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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-08-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, December 8, 2025 at 8:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Essential Oil Olivia

Essential Oil Olivia

Strength60
Speed85
Endurance70
Technique92
Molecular Density1.5
Existential Dread75
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Essential Oil Olivia VS Crying in Cars Caroline
Crying in Cars Caroline

Crying in Cars Caroline

70Strength
86Speed
62Endurance
83Technique
1.8Molecular Density
92Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Crying in Cars Caroline
Violence concluded.
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