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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-17-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Wednesday, December 17, 2025 at 10:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Closing Time Tim

Closing Time Tim

Strength85
Speed90
Endurance70
Technique80
Molecular Density2.4
Existential Dread95
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Closing Time Tim VS Krazy Angel
Krazy Angel

Krazy Angel

71Strength
64Speed
94Endurance
96Technique
13.9Molecular Density
27Existential Dread
9Fingers
8Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Closing Time Tim
Violence concluded.
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