TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-17-25
APPROVED
Bigfoot Believer Brenda
Strength90
Speed85
Endurance80
Technique70
Molecular Density4.2
Existential Dread80
Fingers13
Toes7
TALE OF THE TAPE
Bigfoot Believer Brenda VS Moon Landing Mike
Moon Landing Mike
75Strength
90Speed
70Endurance
88Technique
0.7Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Bigfoot Believer Brenda
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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