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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-20-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, December 20, 2025 at 8:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
The Unsubscribe Link

The Unsubscribe Link

Strength91
Speed45
Endurance103
Technique61
Molecular Density0.0
Existential Dread127
Fingers1
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Unsubscribe Link VS The Last Two Percent
The Last Two Percent

The Last Two Percent

98Strength
97Speed
100Endurance
100Technique
0.0Molecular Density
100Existential Dread
2Fingers
0Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

The Last Two Percent
Violence concluded.
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