TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-03-26
APPROVED
Swole Patroll
Strength98
Speed71
Endurance95
Technique65
Molecular Density4.2
Existential Dread8
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Swole Patroll VS Mookie Sanders
Mookie Sanders
120Strength
100Speed
20Endurance
60Technique
84.6Molecular Density
92Existential Dread
9Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Swole Patroll
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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