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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-07-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Wednesday, January 7, 2026 at 4:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Thilly Gooth

Thilly Gooth

Strength80
Speed50
Endurance108
Technique62
Molecular Density86.3
Existential Dread81
Fingers12
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Thilly Gooth VS HR Hivemind Helen
HR Hivemind Helen

HR Hivemind Helen

75Strength
80Speed
70Endurance
75Technique
2.6Molecular Density
68Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Thilly Gooth
Violence concluded.
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