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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-12-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, January 12, 2026 at 6:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Donut Handler

Donut Handler

Strength77
Speed61
Endurance86
Technique76
Molecular Density62.7
Existential Dread49
Fingers8
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
Donut Handler VS Grout Goblin Gary
Grout Goblin Gary

Grout Goblin Gary

74Strength
76Speed
80Endurance
70Technique
3.7Molecular Density
44Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Donut Handler
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule