TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-12-26
APPROVED
Home Depot Manager
Strength64
Speed78
Endurance99
Technique59
Molecular Density83.4
Existential Dread96
Fingers9
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Home Depot Manager VS Sandy Britches
Sandy Britches
70Strength
63Speed
96Endurance
71Technique
65.4Molecular Density
54Existential Dread
9Fingers
7Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Sandy Britches
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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