TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-13-26
APPROVED
☠️ Steven Seagal ☠️
Strength60
Speed40
Endurance70
Technique85
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread85
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Steven Seagal VS Loading Screen Eternity
Loading Screen Eternity
60Strength
30Speed
95Endurance
88Technique
2.1Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Loading Screen Eternity
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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