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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-13-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, January 13, 2026 at 10:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Penne for Your Thoughts

Penne for Your Thoughts

Strength70
Speed80
Endurance80
Technique90
Molecular Density2.2
Existential Dread75
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Penne for Your Thoughts VS Bigfoot Believer Brenda
Bigfoot Believer Brenda

Bigfoot Believer Brenda

92Strength
87Speed
81Endurance
75Technique
4.2Molecular Density
80Existential Dread
13Fingers
7Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Penne for Your Thoughts
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule