TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-13-26
APPROVED
Teflon Moonbeam
Strength82
Speed87
Endurance85
Technique90
Molecular Density3.7
Existential Dread70
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Teflon Moonbeam VS Swole Patroll
Swole Patroll
98Strength
71Speed
95Endurance
65Technique
4.2Molecular Density
8Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Teflon Moonbeam
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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