TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-13-26
APPROVED
Kirk Hammett
Strength75
Speed85
Endurance80
Technique98
Molecular Density2.6
Existential Dread50
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Kirk Hammett VS Dean of Discipline
☠️ Dean of Discipline ☠️
85Strength
65Speed
95Endurance
90Technique
3.1Molecular Density
75Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Kirk Hammett
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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