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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-14-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Wednesday, January 14, 2026 at 1:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Baiten Switch

Baiten Switch

Strength40
Speed75
Endurance75
Technique110
Molecular Density5.8
Existential Dread85
Fingers0
Toes25
TALE OF THE TAPE
Baiten Switch VS Scroll Forever Susan
Scroll Forever Susan

Scroll Forever Susan

45Strength
85Speed
75Endurance
92Technique
1.2Molecular Density
80Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Baiten Switch
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule