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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-14-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Wednesday, January 14, 2026 at 4:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Clippy “It Looks Like You're Dying”

Clippy “It Looks Like You're Dying”

Strength70
Speed90
Endurance60
Technique80
Molecular Density1.3
Existential Dread52
Fingers12
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Clippy “It Looks Like You're Dying” VS Auto-Correct Apocalypse
Auto-Correct Apocalypse

Auto-Correct Apocalypse

75Strength
85Speed
70Endurance
70Technique
3.0Molecular Density
41Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Clippy “It Looks Like You're Dying”
Violence concluded.
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