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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-15-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, January 15, 2026 at 7:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ⏱️ VIOLENCE PENDING
Captain Hindsight

Captain Hindsight

Strength58
Speed92
Endurance71
Technique79
Molecular Density1.1
Existential Dread84
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Captain Hindsight VS Probability Jane
Probability Jane

Probability Jane

66Strength
73Speed
82Endurance
79Technique
1.0Molecular Density
61Existential Dread
5Fingers
15Toes
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