TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-09-25
APPROVED
Grad Student Gary "Unpaid Labor"
Strength55
Speed85
Endurance70
Technique95
Molecular Density1.6
Existential Dread95
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Grad Student Gary "Unpaid Labor" VS Basement Dweller Brad
Basement Dweller Brad
43Strength
42Speed
62Endurance
75Technique
2.1Molecular Density
78Existential Dread
14Fingers
6Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Grad Student Gary "Unpaid Labor"
Violence concluded.
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