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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
09-09-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, September 9, 2025 at 6:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Leggings Legend Lisa

Leggings Legend Lisa

Strength65
Speed90
Endurance75
Technique88
Molecular Density1.7
Existential Dread70
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Leggings Legend Lisa VS Artisanal Windbreaker
Artisanal Windbreaker

Artisanal Windbreaker

42Strength
65Speed
48Endurance
68Technique
0.9Molecular Density
92Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Artisanal Windbreaker
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule