TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-21-25
APPROVED
Hot Sauce Harold “The Burninator”
Strength96
Speed75
Endurance70
Technique60
Molecular Density4.8
Existential Dread5
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Hot Sauce Harold “The Burninator” VS Brisket Friendo
Brisket Friendo
85Strength
65Speed
80Endurance
75Technique
2.8Molecular Density
25Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Brisket Friendo
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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