TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-12-25
APPROVED
☠️ Meatball Massacre Mike ☠️
Strength90
Speed70
Endurance85
Technique80
Molecular Density3.4
Existential Dread45
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Meatball Massacre Mike VS Closing Time Tim
Closing Time Tim
85Strength
90Speed
70Endurance
80Technique
2.4Molecular Density
95Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Closing Time Tim
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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