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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-05-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, January 5, 2026 at 1:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Sol Slug

Sol Slug

Strength100
Speed20
Endurance60
Technique120
Molecular Density17.6
Existential Dread100
Fingers6
Toes14
TALE OF THE TAPE
Sol Slug VS Comfort Septemberish
Comfort Septemberish

Comfort Septemberish

50Strength
70Speed
95Endurance
85Technique
1.9Molecular Density
15Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Sol Slug
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule