TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
07-27-25
APPROVED
Sausage Festival
Strength85
Speed68
Endurance90
Technique72
Molecular Density3.1
Existential Dread22
Fingers8
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Sausage Festival VS Black Friday Brenda
Black Friday Brenda
95Strength
85Speed
90Endurance
75Technique
3.5Molecular Density
60Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
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